I started writing this post three weeks ago. Here’s where I started: “I am home in Seattle for a brief spell for Thanksgiving and an extra week before heading back to SF/Oakland for more year-end work madness. Then in another two weeks I’ll come back to Seattle for a little time off and Christmas. Holy…… Continue reading My revolving door of resolutions.
Checking in on Day Two (2) of my nicorette gum withdrawals… I am currently drinking my coffee, wishing I could chew a piece of nicorette gum with it. The feeling of emptiness is somehow excruciating without being physically painful. I know intellectually that withdrawal and cravings go away (from my experience quitting drinking). But, like…… Continue reading Day two.
I think I might be slipping into a bad, dark space. 500 days sober tomorrow, and all I keep thinking is: that’s a stupid date marker. I’ve never considered 500 days to be a meaningful amount for anything. It’s not equivalent to anything important that I’ve done or experienced in my life. It’s just an…… Continue reading 500 days sober tomorrow.
I’ve been feeling really blue since my 44th birthday on Monday. I feel isolated, and I’ve been crying suddenly at pretty much anything, but most often when I see past years’ birthday party photos crop up on Facebook (stupid f$%^ing FB). I used to love my birthday. I loved hosting big parties with cases and…… Continue reading What I miss.
http://isabelfoxenduke.com/struggling-with-intuitive-eating-faqs-with-evelyn-tribole/ And then we can talk about losing weight “for health”, sugar addiction and anything else you thought was real, true and right – because: science. What my coach IFD and the co-author of Intuitive Eating, Evelyn Tribole, have to say on these topics and more is so important for women. It’s important, full stop,…… Continue reading This – just listen to this.
A lot of people want me to like myself more. There’s some discomfort reading about my discomfort. Or hearing about it, in person. Some people tell me I’m exaggerating my size. I’m not fat enough to see myself as anything other than acceptable and within the normal range. Other people generously heap praise and sympathy…… Continue reading What other people want for me, and for the world.
Sometimes I am convinced that I am way larger than I actually am: classic body dysmorphia (like anorexics). I get angry and sad about being fundamentally wrong-bodied, and maybe one day dying never having known what it feels like to be thin and classically pretty. Then other times – maybe even most of the time?…… Continue reading My body dysmorphia pendulum.