Checking in on Day Two (2) of my nicorette gum withdrawals… I am currently drinking my coffee, wishing I could chew a piece of nicorette gum with it. The feeling of emptiness is somehow excruciating without being physically painful. I know intellectually that withdrawal and cravings go away (from my experience quitting drinking). But, like…… Continue reading Day two.

I think I might be slipping into a bad, dark space. 500 days sober tomorrow, and all I keep thinking is: that’s a stupid date marker. I’ve never considered 500 days to be a meaningful amount for anything. It’s not equivalent to anything important that I’ve done or experienced in my life. It’s just an…… Continue reading 500 days sober tomorrow.

I’ve been feeling really blue since my 44th birthday on Monday.  I feel isolated, and I’ve been crying suddenly at pretty much anything, but most often when I see past years’ birthday party photos crop up on Facebook (stupid f$%^ing FB). I used to love my birthday. I loved hosting big parties with cases and…… Continue reading What I miss.

http://isabelfoxenduke.com/struggling-with-intuitive-eating-faqs-with-evelyn-tribole/ And then we can talk about losing weight “for health”, sugar addiction and anything else you thought was real, true and right – because: science. What my coach IFD and the co-author of Intuitive Eating, Evelyn Tribole, have to say on these topics and more is so important for women. It’s important, full stop,…… Continue reading This – just listen to this.

A lot of people want me to like myself more. There’s some discomfort reading about my discomfort. Or hearing about it, in person. Some people tell me I’m exaggerating my size. I’m not fat enough to see myself as anything other than acceptable and within the normal range. Other people generously heap praise and sympathy…… Continue reading What other people want for me, and for the world.

Sometimes I am convinced that I am way larger than I actually am: classic body dysmorphia (like anorexics). I get angry and sad about being fundamentally wrong-bodied, and maybe one day dying never having known what it feels like to be thin and classically pretty. Then other times – maybe even most of the time?…… Continue reading My body dysmorphia pendulum.

Here’s a little nugget to chew on. I was chatting with my diet-ditching coach Isabel Foxen Duke the other day, bemoaning my old “fat feelings” that cropped up after my yoga retreat. I said something like “I know I know. Restricting my food won’t solve whatever it is I’m actually feeling. But the urge is…… Continue reading Moderating.

I don’t know much about Byron Katie. What I do know is from watching a couple of youtube videos and coming away very, very confused. But I just saw this on Facebook, and wanted to share it, because it was beautiful and thought-provoking: A sharing from a retreat with Byron Katie: “One woman told us…… Continue reading Mind a teensy bit blown.

Ok Pema Chodron, work your magic. I need to feel my feelings, and yesterday I didn’t do a great job of it. I snapped at my husband. I posted stuff on this blog. I gorged on Season 3 of Game of Thrones. I couldn’t bring myself to go out and buy some veggies at the…… Continue reading Feeling fat.

From the Center for Disease Control’s web site: https://www.cdc.gov/pcd/issues/2017/17_0006.htm Do No Harm: Moving Beyond Weight Loss to Emphasize Physical Activity at Every Size ESSAY — Volume 14 — April 20, 2017   Format: Emily Dollar, BA1; Margit Berman, PhD1,2; Anna M. Adachi-Mejia, PhD1,3,4,5 (View author affiliations) Suggested citation for this article: Dollar E, Berman M, Adachi-Mejia AM.…… Continue reading The CDC tells doctors to stop making things worse with weight-based health advice.