When I hosted dinner parties back in my drinking days I would pre-open at least three bottles of very fancy wine (to breathe!) and set out pretty bowls of loose cigarettes and lighters for everyone to enjoy once they’ve had just enough of the wine to think one cigarette would hit the spot. I’d have…… Continue reading Health at my (any) size, aka the next phase.

When I made it to one year sober I made a Spotify playlist to celebrate (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6dMfzYgoZP9ZInWBiXxFap), and the playlist opens with the Rent anthem “525,600 minutes” because, well, I love the song, and also because the year felt like 525,600 minutes. Yesterday, October 15th, I hit 2.5 years sober and sadly there is no song…… Continue reading 1,317,078 minutes sober.

You might recall from my last post that my word of the year is “dream”, or “DREAM” – depending on how I want to sound when I’m typing it. And it’s already making me a wee bit crazy When I think of dreams, I think of Martin Luther King Jr. (who doesn’t?) and then I…… Continue reading My 2018 Word of the Year is Freaking Me Out.

I started writing this post three weeks ago. Here’s where I started: “I am home in Seattle for a brief spell for Thanksgiving and an extra week before heading back to SF/Oakland for more year-end work madness. Then in another two weeks I’ll come back to Seattle for a little time off and Christmas. Holy…… Continue reading My revolving door of resolutions.

Checking in on Day Two (2) of my nicorette gum withdrawals… I am currently drinking my coffee, wishing I could chew a piece of nicorette gum with it. The feeling of emptiness is somehow excruciating without being physically painful. I know intellectually that withdrawal and cravings go away (from my experience quitting drinking). But, like…… Continue reading Day two.

I think I might be slipping into a bad, dark space. 500 days sober tomorrow, and all I keep thinking is: that’s a stupid date marker. I’ve never considered 500 days to be a meaningful amount for anything. It’s not equivalent to anything important that I’ve done or experienced in my life. It’s just an…… Continue reading 500 days sober tomorrow.

I’ve been feeling really blue since my 44th birthday on Monday.  I feel isolated, and I’ve been crying suddenly at pretty much anything, but most often when I see past years’ birthday party photos crop up on Facebook (stupid f$%^ing FB). I used to love my birthday. I loved hosting big parties with cases and…… Continue reading What I miss.