Escaping my escape mechanisms.
You might recall from my last post that my word of the year is "dream", or "DREAM" - depending on how I want to sound when I'm typing it. And it’s already making me a wee bit crazy When I think of dreams, I think of Martin Luther King Jr. (who doesn't?) and then I …
Continue reading "My 2018 Word of the Year is Freaking Me Out."
I started writing this post three weeks ago. Here's where I started: "I am home in Seattle for a brief spell for Thanksgiving and an extra week before heading back to SF/Oakland for more year-end work madness. Then in another two weeks I'll come back to Seattle for a little time off and Christmas. Holy …
Checking in on Day Two (2) of my nicorette gum withdrawals... I am currently drinking my coffee, wishing I could chew a piece of nicorette gum with it. The feeling of emptiness is somehow excruciating without being physically painful. I know intellectually that withdrawal and cravings go away (from my experience quitting drinking). But, like …
I think I might be slipping into a bad, dark space. 500 days sober tomorrow, and all I keep thinking is: that's a stupid date marker. I've never considered 500 days to be a meaningful amount for anything. It's not equivalent to anything important that I've done or experienced in my life. It's just an …
I've been feeling really blue since my 44th birthday on Monday. I feel isolated, and I've been crying suddenly at pretty much anything, but most often when I see past years' birthday party photos crop up on Facebook (stupid f$%^ing FB). I used to love my birthday. I loved hosting big parties with cases and …
http://isabelfoxenduke.com/struggling-with-intuitive-eating-faqs-with-evelyn-tribole/ And then we can talk about losing weight "for health", sugar addiction and anything else you thought was real, true and right - because: science. What my coach IFD and the co-author of Intuitive Eating, Evelyn Tribole, have to say on these topics and more is so important for women. It's important, full stop, …
A lot of people want me to like myself more. There's some discomfort reading about my discomfort. Or hearing about it, in person. Some people tell me I'm exaggerating my size. I'm not fat enough to see myself as anything other than acceptable and within the normal range. Other people generously heap praise and sympathy …
Continue reading "What other people want for me, and for the world."
Sometimes I am convinced that I am way larger than I actually am: classic body dysmorphia (like anorexics). I get angry and sad about being fundamentally wrong-bodied, and maybe one day dying never having known what it feels like to be thin and classically pretty. Then other times - maybe even most of the time? …
Here's a little nugget to chew on. I was chatting with my diet-ditching coach Isabel Foxen Duke the other day, bemoaning my old "fat feelings" that cropped up after my yoga retreat. I said something like "I know I know. Restricting my food won't solve whatever it is I'm actually feeling. But the urge is …
I don't know much about Byron Katie. What I do know is from watching a couple of youtube videos and coming away very, very confused. But I just saw this on Facebook, and wanted to share it, because it was beautiful and thought-provoking: A sharing from a retreat with Byron Katie: "One woman told us …
