Ahh, blessed sleep.

I finally got a good night’s sleep last night. No bad or wacky dreams. Ethel-the-13-yr-old-pug didn’t wake me up at 4am to pee. There was some semblance of sun outside my window when I woke up a little bit before my alarm clock. Yeah. That’s some gooood sleep.

I was reading a fellow blogger’s comment on my last post (also a booze and cigarette quitter), and she said she has gravitated toward much healthier food now that she’s essentially cleaned her palette. Which is so awesome. And in that moment I realized suddenly that I haven’t really done that yet. I’m still hooked on nicorette gum. Like, in a big way actually. At least 15 pieces a day.

The gum messes with my taste buds a lot. Certain foods taste terrible if I’ve just had a piece of gum. Certain drinks too. And the nicotine messes with my hunger signals. And I bet the chemicals mess with my sleep, too. No wonder I can’t really settle into intuitive eating and movement; I’m still actively messing with my body’s signals.

So, while I’m still super proud that I don’t smoke anymore, I’m now actively concerned about my nicorette habit. Which is kind of a bummer because I had given myself all the permission in the world to keep chewing the gum until I was solid in my (badass, rebellious) sober and smoke free life. And I even gave myself permission to chew the gum until I finally truly shed diet mentality and am living life without body hangups and anxiety around food.

But it feels like a blocker. It feels like I’m hanging on to the old shit, and I know for a fact that I’m afraid of the NEW life I’ve started to create. Chewing nicorette gum feels like a last thread tethering me to the old me. A me that I quite liked at times. Gluttonous. Fun. Wild. I don’t want to throw her away. Letting go of the gum is SO symbolic. Which sounds SO dumb, but damnit it’s true.





2 thoughts on “Ahh, blessed sleep.

  1. Not dumb at all hanging on to that! I think I only used the gum once or twice because I used the patch to quit (and developed a terrible allergic reaction/rash during the last few weeks so I HAD to stop using it). I find I always want to stick something in my mouth – gum, carrots, pen… fingernail.. I mean seriously wtf? I feel a constant need to be chewing on something hahaha. We have changed and given up so much and a huge part of our identities and personalities already with quitting smoking & drinking so chew away until you’re ready not to! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I tried that stupid gum once, didn’t read the label and chomped the shit out of it, then had to have my husband pull over so I could barf in a bush. Hahahah! I figured quitting cold turkey was easier than that. I read EASYWAY by Allen Carr, works for many and might be a good thing to try if you are done with the gum. My friend “quit” but used a patch for years, then about once a year she “stress smoked” for a week then “quit” again. She read said book and has been nic-free since. I realize that this reads like an advertisement for the book, but assure you I am in NO WAY affiliated nor receiving monetary compensation for sale of aforementioned book. I will say that nicotine is a substance that alters your metabolism, fucks with your sleep and keeps you addicted to something.

    Liked by 1 person

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