A lot of people want me to like myself more. There’s some discomfort reading about my discomfort. Or hearing about it, in person. Some people tell me I’m exaggerating my size. I’m not fat enough to see myself as anything other than acceptable and within the normal range. Other people generously heap praise and sympathy…… Continue reading What other people want for me, and for the world.
I had a drinking dream last night. Actually, I had an almost drinking dream last night. I was in a liquor store, trying to decide between rum and vodka. I wanted to buy vodka, so people wouldn’t smell booze on my breath, but I couldn’t remember what to drink with it. I was fixated on coke as a…… Continue reading Apparently I’m a goody two shoes, even in my dreams.
I’ve talked a lot in this blog about my body and my weight, and how I’ve battled all my life against what I have to assume is my natural size. I also have to assume that my body is probably at a higher set-point weight today than it might have been if I’d never dieted…… Continue reading Middlesize.
Sometimes I am convinced that I am way larger than I actually am: classic body dysmorphia (like anorexics). I get angry and sad about being fundamentally wrong-bodied, and maybe one day dying never having known what it feels like to be thin and classically pretty. Then other times – maybe even most of the time?…… Continue reading My body dysmorphia pendulum.
Here’s a little nugget to chew on. I was chatting with my diet-ditching coach Isabel Foxen Duke the other day, bemoaning my old “fat feelings” that cropped up after my yoga retreat. I said something like “I know I know. Restricting my food won’t solve whatever it is I’m actually feeling. But the urge is…… Continue reading Moderating.
I don’t know much about Byron Katie. What I do know is from watching a couple of youtube videos and coming away very, very confused. But I just saw this on Facebook, and wanted to share it, because it was beautiful and thought-provoking: A sharing from a retreat with Byron Katie: “One woman told us…… Continue reading Mind a teensy bit blown.
I’ve received a lot of interesting and good feedback from the interview I did with Jean at The Bubble Hour podcast (http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bubblehour/2017/07/02/quitting-everything-ingrid-on-dumping-cigarettes-booze-and-diets). Thank you to all who listened to the whole thing! It’s a long meandering story, but in the end (and I hope you got to the end), there is definitely redemption: freedom from…… Continue reading What should I tell my daughter?