I finally got a good night’s sleep last night. No bad or wacky dreams. Ethel-the-13-yr-old-pug didn’t wake me up at 4am to pee. There was some semblance of sun outside my window when I woke up a little bit before my alarm clock. Yeah. That’s some gooood sleep.
I was reading a fellow blogger’s comment on my last post (also a booze and cigarette quitter), and she said she has gravitated toward much healthier food now that she’s essentially cleaned her palette. Which is so awesome. And in that moment I realized suddenly that I haven’t really done that yet. I’m still hooked on nicorette gum. Like, in a big way actually. At least 15 pieces a day.
The gum messes with my taste buds a lot. Certain foods taste terrible if I’ve just had a piece of gum. Certain drinks too. And the nicotine messes with my hunger signals. And I bet the chemicals mess with my sleep, too. No wonder I can’t really settle into intuitive eating and movement; I’m still actively messing with my body’s signals.
So, while I’m still super proud that I don’t smoke anymore, I’m now actively concerned about my nicorette habit. Which is kind of a bummer because I had given myself all the permission in the world to keep chewing the gum until I was solid in my (badass, rebellious) sober and smoke free life. And I even gave myself permission to chew the gum until I finally truly shed diet mentality and am living life without body hangups and anxiety around food.
But it feels like a blocker. It feels like I’m hanging on to the old shit, and I know for a fact that I’m afraid of the NEW life I’ve started to create. Chewing nicorette gum feels like a last thread tethering me to the old me. A me that I quite liked at times. Gluttonous. Fun. Wild. I don’t want to throw her away. Letting go of the gum is SO symbolic. Which sounds SO dumb, but damnit it’s true.
Love,
Fatty
Total Fatty 
Not dumb at all hanging on to that! I think I only used the gum once or twice because I used the patch to quit (and developed a terrible allergic reaction/rash during the last few weeks so I HAD to stop using it). I find I always want to stick something in my mouth – gum, carrots, pen… fingernail.. I mean seriously wtf? I feel a constant need to be chewing on something hahaha. We have changed and given up so much and a huge part of our identities and personalities already with quitting smoking & drinking so chew away until you’re ready not to! 😉
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I tried that stupid gum once, didn’t read the label and chomped the shit out of it, then had to have my husband pull over so I could barf in a bush. Hahahah! I figured quitting cold turkey was easier than that. I read EASYWAY by Allen Carr, works for many and might be a good thing to try if you are done with the gum. My friend “quit” but used a patch for years, then about once a year she “stress smoked” for a week then “quit” again. She read said book and has been nic-free since. I realize that this reads like an advertisement for the book, but assure you I am in NO WAY affiliated nor receiving monetary compensation for sale of aforementioned book. I will say that nicotine is a substance that alters your metabolism, fucks with your sleep and keeps you addicted to something.
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